


Monsters and wedding

by Esteicy



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Batfamily (DCU), Crack, Harley is an icon, Humor, M/M, Mentioned Rogues Gallery (Batman), Minor appearance of other characters - Freeform, Monsters, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26753011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esteicy/pseuds/Esteicy
Summary: Edward gets tired of waiting for the perfect moment, in their lives there's no perfect moments, so he obeys his impulses and ask for what he wants, who cares that they are being attacked by mindless monsters?!
Relationships: Edward Nygma/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	Monsters and wedding

**Author's Note:**

> So...this is a really crack fic, is just so silly and I hope it will make them laugh because I love how absurd it is.
> 
> It got inspired by an ask in Tumblr where someone asked me how I imagined Bruce and Edward's wedding, I wanted to give a serious and good answer but the more I thought about it the more I felt like answering with a fic...this fic.
> 
> Probably not what the person had in mind when sending the ask but I'm happy with what I could write, now please read and enjoy.

Edward frowned when he finally could find Bruce in the middle of that bloody, magical turmoil. He ran to him and hit one of those mindless puppets before it could attack him, breaking its head.

“Edward, what are you doing here?” Bruce asked turning to him “I told you to stay in the cave, this is too dangerous for…”

“No! I’m tired of doing what you say Bats, I’m fucking tired!” he yelled before hitting another one.

“Edward, there is no time for…”

“Silence! You will listen to me now, dark knight! I don’t care if the world is falling around us, you will listen” and to be honest the world was almost doing that…or at least things were quite messy.

The city was being infested by some creatures that Ed could only describe as men made of clay, controlled by some crazy woman…Enchantress, maybe? There were too many crazy idiots in that world but he could bet it was her, using her powers to send millions of those creatures all over to create chaos, having not only heroes but also villains trying to fight them while others were on missions to stop her.

“There’s always something happening, we are always trapped in the middle of danger…mostly you! And I got tired of always having to wait for when things are calm because they are almost never calm” he was being constantly interrupted by something trying to kill them and him and Bruce having to fight back “So fuck it, I want to get married now!”

Those around the pair looked at them surprised, Bruce’s family and Edward’s fellow villains were shocked and for a second forgot they were in constant danger.

“…now?” Batman was just as shocked as the rest.

“Your heard me! I’m so exhausted of not knowing what will happened tomorrow, what kind of bad joke is all of this? I just want to have that, so stop looking at me like if I was crazy and answer me” he demanded, looking like he was about to attack him just like he is doing with the monsters.

Bruce stayed some minutes in silence, only growling or groaning when he had to fight more of those things. This was certainly unexpected, a more than weird situation to have such an important moment, but Edward was right that no matter what there was always something weird or crazy happening in their lives after all so…why not?

“I accept” he finally said and everyone went back to their previous shock, this was so bizarre.

“Someone here can marry us?” Edward was smiling, clearly glad for getting what he wanted.

“Oh! I can do it!” Harley raised her hand; all the eyes went to her.

“You can?” they asked not expecting that.

“Yes! I got ordained online to marry my hyenas…long story but the thing is I can do it” she smiled at them “I just want to give my good buddy Eddie a hand with his special day” while saying that she was hitting some of those clay monsters with her hammer.

“Well…she is like our only and best option right now” Edward shrugged “I take it.”

“This is already crazy so why not?” Bruce sighed.

Bruce’s kids didn’t lose time to make comments about the situation.

“Father, you have lost your mind…when you leave for the honeymoon can I be Batman?” Robin asked.

“You wish!” Tim pushed his head “Should I get you a wedding gift?”

“Will we have a party after this is done? I will organize one even if you say no” Jason said while giving those annoying things some nice bullets in their heads.

“Weird…appropriate” Cassandra approved this for her father and his odd fiancé.

“I agree, this is so bizarre and exactly your style” Nightwing looked happy, Bruce deserved something good.

“Can I be maid of honor?” Spoiler was laughing, but she liked the concept.

“Congratulations! I guess…it’s…it’s certainly a unique ceremony” Duke laughed as well.

“You two are crazy” Oracle said amused.

“Well if he had waited for master Bruce’s initiative, we all would have waited more than necessary” Alfred’s voice talked through his device, everyone agreed with that.

“Are you done?” Edward looked at his boyfriend’s family narrowing his eyes, Bruce didn’t look really fond on the way they were making fun of him either.

“For now, yes” Dick shrugged.

“Very well! We are kinda busy here so I’ll make this quick” Harley came to them, everyone kept killing things while also paying attention, even the villains that always suspected Edward had a thing for the Bat but seeing them actually getting married was a surprise, an entertaining and weird surprise “We are here reunited to unite Edward Nygma and B…B…” she looked at the heroes that were looking at her with indignant faces, since she was one of the few that had the privilege of knowing Batman’s secret identity and now really wasn’t a good moment to share it “And B man! In marriage” she smiled at them and they nodded.

She continued giving the whole speech about love, loyalty and mutual respect until she got to the part where she asked the grooms.

“Edward! Do you accept this nocturnal hero as your loving and intimidating husband?” she asked, Ed was smashing one of those monster’s heads.

“I do! I do” he looked at him, smiling covered in magical clay.

“And you Bats! Do you take this riddle fanatic ex villain as your husband?” she looked at Batman kicking one of those puppets right in the head.

“I do” he smiled too; it was something special to see Batman smile.

“Is there anyone that oppose to them getting married?” she asked looking around.

Joker was about to raise his hand but Killer Croc grabbed him and threw him away, this was not the moment for his clownery.

“Alright then for the power I got online I now declare you are husband and husband; you may kiss now!” she said happily.

Both men came closer, the moment was messy, violent and loud, it was a goddamn chaos around them and yet it felt like it was only them in the world. With a tender smile they pressed their lips in a kiss full of love, they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, no matter how dangerous, no matter how strange, no matter how crazy.

This was real, this was worth all the nonsense.

“I love you” Edward whispered.

“Me too” Bruce caressed his face “Now will you please go to the cave, I’m worried.”

“Very well, just do me the favor to not die or I will bring you back only to strangle you” he kissed his cheek and left, going back to where he would be safe.

That night the world was a mad spectacle of monsters and fighting, but the next day Edward would have all the day to enjoy time with his beloved husband.

And probably organize a decent wedding.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so…I don’t know why this happened, my mind works in mysterious ways(?)
> 
> They are cute and it’s fun to not take everything so seriously with fics, I don’t usually write crack but I enjoyed it! If you liked it please consider leaving a kudo or a comment, it would make me really happy nwn
> 
> Now thanks for reading! Kisses~


End file.
